Jailhouse Lover Pillows

Prison Romance.

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

Tic-tac-toe

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

Prisoner Crossing

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

I was able to get you a 2-book deal.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, framed by the cat - that's what we all say.

'I can't believe it! -- My own personal computer turned state's evidence!'

"It's a sort of Birdman of Alcatraz situation, except that Martin here isn't a bird."

'Equal protection of the law, my foot! -- That was RANK discrimination against bank robbers!'

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

'I was on 'AMERICA'S MOST WANTED', captured on 'COPS', tried on 'COURT TV' and sentenced to 10 years of basic cable.'

'Now then, Mr. Grumpypants, if we're to get along we'll have to turn that frown upside down...'

Inmate on cell phone: 'I'd like to request 'Jailhouse Rock'.'

'He didn't wash his hands.'

'I got six months for arson, and ten years for failing to file an environmental impact statement.'

"Sorry I'm late, I had to do jail time."

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

Cartoonist draws bomb next to prisoner.

"I can't continue to be your lawyer if you won't show up at the hearings."

Prison bus - "Race you for a window seat."

At least you have security!

'My first counterfeit dollar.'

'It's for you.'

"Five to ten years of bad accordion music...OMG!"

'I got life plus three hundred years...I won't be eligible for parole for six months...'

''Stole a Smart Car. It picked me out of a lineup.'

'Ms. Daly, have there been any important e-mails or voice-mails during my incarceration?'

"You should never smuggle a phone in without first switching off 'vibrate'."

"Apparently it's OK to clone sheep but not hundred-dollar bills"

"I froze all your pastry dough."

'If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times -- Bank robbers don't need business cards!'

I don