Jailhouse Lover Gifts

Prison Romance.

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

Tic-tac-toe

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

Prisoner Crossing

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

I was able to get you a 2-book deal.

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

'I can't believe it! -- My own personal computer turned state's evidence!'

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

'Equal protection of the law, my foot! -- That was RANK discrimination against bank robbers!'

"It's a sort of Birdman of Alcatraz situation, except that Martin here isn't a bird."

'I was on 'AMERICA'S MOST WANTED', captured on 'COPS', tried on 'COURT TV' and sentenced to 10 years of basic cable.'

'He didn't wash his hands.'

"Sorry I'm late, I had to do jail time."

'I got six months for arson, and ten years for failing to file an environmental impact statement.'

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

'It's for you.'

"Five to ten years of bad accordion music...OMG!"

'My first counterfeit dollar.'

Cartoonist draws bomb next to prisoner.

At least you have security!

Prison bus - "Race you for a window seat."

'I got life plus three hundred years...I won't be eligible for parole for six months...'

'Ms. Daly, have there been any important e-mails or voice-mails during my incarceration?'

'Never take the stand in your own defense. The judge can reach you with the gavel.'

"I froze all your pastry dough."

'It's amazing the change in his attitude since he took up knitting.'

"Apparently it's OK to clone sheep but not hundred-dollar bills"

'If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times -- Bank robbers don't need business cards!'