Jailhouse Book Lover Gifts

"Damn! I forgot to bring a book."

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

Tic-tac-toe

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

Prison Romance.

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

I was able to get you a 2-book deal.

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

'I can't believe it! -- My own personal computer turned state's evidence!'

"It's a sort of Birdman of Alcatraz situation, except that Martin here isn't a bird."

'Equal protection of the law, my foot! -- That was RANK discrimination against bank robbers!'

'I was on 'AMERICA'S MOST WANTED', captured on 'COPS', tried on 'COURT TV' and sentenced to 10 years of basic cable.'

"Sorry I'm late, I had to do jail time."

'I got six months for arson, and ten years for failing to file an environmental impact statement.'

'My first counterfeit dollar.'

'It's for you.'

Prison Paintings

"Five to ten years of bad accordion music...OMG!"

'I got life plus three hundred years...I won't be eligible for parole for six months...'

'It's amazing the change in his attitude since he took up knitting.'

And for sport we've goot a spittoon.

STRIP Hambone: Prisoner visited by a computer

"I froze all your pastry dough."

"You should never smuggle a phone in without first switching off 'vibrate'."

I think I'll holiday at home this year!'

"Well, then Henshaw, are you going to talk sense or would you like another night of uniterrupted Hindemith?"

'If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times -- Bank robbers don't need business cards!'

'When I get out, I'm going straight!'

Break-ins by the Masochist Society

'It was the 'nothing but the truth' part that tripped me up.'