Jailhouse Author Gifts

'Will you (swearing) shut the (swearing) up? -- I'm trying to work on my children's book!'

Shakespeare in the clink

Prison Romance.

Prisoner Crossing

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

I was able to get you a 2-book deal.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, framed by the cat - that's what we all say.

"It's a sort of Birdman of Alcatraz situation, except that Martin here isn't a bird."

'I was on 'AMERICA'S MOST WANTED', captured on 'COPS', tried on 'COURT TV' and sentenced to 10 years of basic cable.'

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

'Equal protection of the law, my foot! -- That was RANK discrimination against bank robbers!'

"Sorry I'm late, I had to do jail time."

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

Prison Paintings

'True, you've been assigned a nobody lawyer but you're a nobody criminal!'

'It's for you.'

At least you have security!

Cartoonist draws bomb next to prisoner.

'My first counterfeit dollar.'

''Stole a Smart Car. It picked me out of a lineup.'

'I got life plus three hundred years...I won't be eligible for parole for six months...'

"Basically, a letter to the editor got out of hand."

I think I'll holiday at home this year!'

'When I get out, I'm going straight!'

"Hey, this reminds me of camp when I was a kid! I won't bore you with all the stories! Well, ok. . . there was this one time. . ."

"See you later. Do you want the door closed?'

'For once in my life I told the truth. For this they gave me twenty years.'

"Well, then Henshaw, are you going to talk sense or would you like another night of uniterrupted Hindemith?"

"They say you're good with forgeries?"

'If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times -- Bank robbers don't need business cards!'

"Apparently it's OK to clone sheep but not hundred-dollar bills"

"You should never smuggle a phone in without first switching off 'vibrate'."

"He told me it was for a hot tub."

"I found your contact lens."

'Never take the stand in your own defense. The judge can reach you with the gavel.'