Jailhouse Author Gifts

'Will you (swearing) shut the (swearing) up? -- I'm trying to work on my children's book!'

Shakespeare in the clink

Prison Romance.

Prisoner Crossing

I was able to get you a 2-book deal.

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

"It's a sort of Birdman of Alcatraz situation, except that Martin here isn't a bird."

'Equal protection of the law, my foot! -- That was RANK discrimination against bank robbers!'

'I was on 'AMERICA'S MOST WANTED', captured on 'COPS', tried on 'COURT TV' and sentenced to 10 years of basic cable.'

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

"Sorry I'm late, I had to do jail time."

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

'It's for you.'

At least you have security!

'True, you've been assigned a nobody lawyer but you're a nobody criminal!'

Cartoonist draws bomb next to prisoner.

Prison Paintings

'My first counterfeit dollar.'

'I got life plus three hundred years...I won't be eligible for parole for six months...'

"Basically, a letter to the editor got out of hand."

"Apparently it's OK to clone sheep but not hundred-dollar bills"

"I've got him! I've got him!...Now what?"

"See you later. Do you want the door closed?'

"You should never smuggle a phone in without first switching off 'vibrate'."

"Well, then Henshaw, are you going to talk sense or would you like another night of uniterrupted Hindemith?"

'For once in my life I told the truth. For this they gave me twenty years.'

'If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times -- Bank robbers don't need business cards!'

'Never take the stand in your own defense. The judge can reach you with the gavel.'

"They say you're good with forgeries?"

I think I'll holiday at home this year!'