Jailhouse Humor Gifts

"I was just getting a brick for my loo."

'My first counterfeit dollar.'

'It's for you.'

Prisoner Crossing

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

'I'm here for jumping my bond... Bail bond.'

'I was on 'AMERICA'S MOST WANTED', captured on 'COPS', tried on 'COURT TV' and sentenced to 10 years of basic cable.'

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

Man in arrow suit - 'I'm in for white collar crime.'

"Sorry I'm late, I had to do jail time."

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

'The Not so Great Escape.'

'True, you've been assigned a nobody lawyer but you're a nobody criminal!'

Cartoonist draws bomb next to prisoner.

At least you have security!

'She kept asking me to say what was on my mind so I did. She told her analyst and then the FBI.'

'When I said 'I'm breaking out,' I meant that the food here is messing with my acne.'

'I got life plus three hundred years...I won't be eligible for parole for six months...'

'I've been a burglar, a blackmailer, a mugger, and an armed robber, but by gosh I've never been a LAWYER!'

"You should never smuggle a phone in without first switching off 'vibrate'."

"See you later. Do you want the door closed?'

"I've sent last minute treatments to all the major studios."

'When I get out, I'm going straight!'

"Well, then Henshaw, are you going to talk sense or would you like another night of uniterrupted Hindemith?"

"Apparently it's OK to clone sheep but not hundred-dollar bills"

'They robbed the bank, I was just the pilot-fish...'

I think I'll holiday at home this year!'

'Never take the stand in your own defense. The judge can reach you with the gavel.'

'If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times -- Bank robbers don't need business cards!'

"They say you're good with forgeries?"