Jailhouse Humor Enthusiast Gifts

''Stole a Smart Car. It picked me out of a lineup.'

Pete Doherty in Jail.

"Your best option is to try to escape."

"You should never smuggle a phone in without first switching off 'vibrate'."

"Yes, I'm good with figures. My prison job was stamping numbers into license plates."

'I was warned not to talk to you about anything.'

I think I'll holiday at home this year!'

'Hey, rat, most of us use our one call to contact a lawyer, not Crime Stoppers.'

'Sucks to you, Fatso! At least I've still got my own hair!'

'When I get out, I'm going straight!'

"It's an 'un'care package from my ex-wife." "Ooooh... is that K-Y Jelly?!"

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

'I managed to get you a suspended sentence... They're going to hang you at dawn.'

'If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times -- Bank robbers don't need business cards!'

"Well, then Henshaw, are you going to talk sense or would you like another night of uniterrupted Hindemith?"

Yeah, yeah, yeah, framed by the cat - that's what we all say.

Something came up again today, but for sure I'll be down in the A.M. to start digging that tunnel. Contractor Cellmate.

Prison Romance.

Prisoner Crossing

"How'd you know I was in for cyber crime?"

Conrad Black will be unable to do his investment club's tax returns this year.

'See, I told you it was a good idea to talk to the plants.'

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

Man in arrow suit - 'I'm in for white collar crime.'

"It's a sort of Birdman of Alcatraz situation, except that Martin here isn't a bird."

'I was on 'AMERICA'S MOST WANTED', captured on 'COPS', tried on 'COURT TV' and sentenced to 10 years of basic cable.'

Inmate on cell phone: 'I'd like to request 'Jailhouse Rock'.'

'I'm here for jumping my bond... Bail bond.'

"Murder one. How about you?" "I tried to rob an arts and crafts store with a hot glue gun."

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

'The Not so Great Escape.'

Prison baseball game features Bankers vs. Wall Street.

"Sorry I'm late, I had to do jail time."

'My first counterfeit dollar.'

Cartoonist draws bomb next to prisoner.