Jailhouse Humorists Gifts

'True, you've been assigned a nobody lawyer but you're a nobody criminal!'

"Great, I pardoned all my friends and now I'm sitting here alone!"

Prisoner Crossing

When staffing agencies screw up.

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

Man in arrow suit - 'I'm in for white collar crime.'

'I'm here for jumping my bond... Bail bond.'

'I was on 'AMERICA'S MOST WANTED', captured on 'COPS', tried on 'COURT TV' and sentenced to 10 years of basic cable.'

Convict Decor

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

"Sorry I'm late, I had to do jail time."

Post Office fraud wing in a prison.

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

'The Not so Great Escape.'

Cartoonist draws bomb next to prisoner.

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

At least you have security!

Martha bakes with her new friends.

'I suppose you'd like your porridge shaken, not stirred?'

'My first counterfeit dollar.'

'She kept asking me to say what was on my mind so I did. She told her analyst and then the FBI.'

"Look on the bright side. You no longer live with your parents."

'It's for you.'

'I was told to reach for the stars but when I did, I was arrested for stalking.'

'When I said 'I'm breaking out,' I meant that the food here is messing with my acne.'

'I got life plus three hundred years...I won't be eligible for parole for six months...'

"The other gangs can give you protection. We can give you free wi-fi."

'I've been a burglar, a blackmailer, a mugger, and an armed robber, but by gosh I've never been a LAWYER!'

"Basically, a letter to the editor got out of hand."

I think I'll holiday at home this year!'

'When I get out, I'm going straight!'

"Any word on my appeal?"