Jailhouse Jokester Gifts

'When I said 'I'm breaking out,' I meant that the food here is messing with my acne.'

A prison inmate is typing prison tally marks in his laptop computer.

'I've been a burglar, a blackmailer, a mugger, and an armed robber, but by gosh I've never been a LAWYER!'

'The Not so Great Escape.'

'This is nice - one doesn't get much opportunity to meet people in these open prisons...'

'Get ready, bro. This party's about to be off the chain!'

'Well, for me I guess it all started when I registered to vote....'

'Of course you can't remember what you had for breakfast -- we didn't HAVE any breakfast.'

'I'm here for jumping my bond... Bail bond.'

'This prison is rated as the most secure in the country. Is that good or bad for us?'

Prison Visits - I'm sorry dad, I won't be able to fill in your tax return this year.

'It doesn't look good. I'm a guard dog. They caught me off guard.'

"Yes, I am in here for something I didn't do - I didn't drive the getaway car fast enough!"

'So one day I thought, I'll teach you brats to laugh at me!'

"White Collar Prison"

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

Prisoner Crossing

Police Lineup Escape

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

'My biggest mistake was to make a 'death-bed confession'... then I made a full recovery!'

"I'm the first one in my family to do time."

Yeah, yeah, yeah, framed by the cat - that's what we all say.

'I was okay with the library and rec room, but the wall climbing has got me nervous.'

"You're allowed one facebook posting."

'I can't believe it! -- My own personal computer turned state's evidence!'

'Now then, Mr. Grumpypants, if we're to get along we'll have to turn that frown upside down...'

"The reason I never get any visitors is because all my family and friends are in here!"

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

'I was on 'AMERICA'S MOST WANTED', captured on 'COPS', tried on 'COURT TV' and sentenced to 10 years of basic cable.'

Inmate on cell phone: 'I'd like to request 'Jailhouse Rock'.'

"Miss Robins, get me a ladder and a hacksaw, if you will, please."

"The brochure said escape to Tahiti, so here I am."

"I think I'm just going to sit this recession out."

'I got six months for arson, and ten years for failing to file an environmental impact statement.'