Jailhouse Jesting Gifts

"To be honest, I was little nervous when you insisted on being the one on top."

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

Prisoner Crossing

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

'The hard time isn't so bad, but that community service is murder!'

'I'm being released on Blu-ray.'

'I can't believe it! -- My own personal computer turned state's evidence!'

'Equal protection of the law, my foot! -- That was RANK discrimination against bank robbers!'

'I was on 'AMERICA'S MOST WANTED', captured on 'COPS', tried on 'COURT TV' and sentenced to 10 years of basic cable.'

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

'I'm here for jumping my bond... Bail bond.'

"Sorry I'm late, I had to do jail time."

'I got six months for arson, and ten years for failing to file an environmental impact statement.'

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

'The Not so Great Escape.'

'Well, I hope you're a people person -- the prisons are very overcrowded.'

Cartoonist draws bomb next to prisoner.

"Five to ten years of bad accordion music...OMG!"

'My first counterfeit dollar.'

'True, you've been assigned a nobody lawyer but you're a nobody criminal!'

At least you have security!

'It's for you.'

'When I said 'I'm breaking out,' I meant that the food here is messing with my acne.'

'I got life plus three hundred years...I won't be eligible for parole for six months...'

'I've been a burglar, a blackmailer, a mugger, and an armed robber, but by gosh I've never been a LAWYER!'

'Ms. Daly, have there been any important e-mails or voice-mails during my incarceration?'

"See you later. Do you want the door closed?'

"You should never smuggle a phone in without first switching off 'vibrate'."

'If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times -- Bank robbers don't need business cards!'