Jailhouse Jester Gifts

'I found out what makes him tick, but he still won't tock.'

'I got six months for arson, and ten years for failing to file an environmental impact statement.'

'I can't believe it! -- My own personal computer turned state's evidence!'

'Want a cracker?'

'Now then, Mr. Grumpypants, if we're to get along we'll have to turn that frown upside down...'

'I saw him first!'

STRIP Hambone: Prisoner visited by a computer

'No, it's not a new prison issue uniform - I fell asleep in the chicken house.'

"They found me guilty, but I beat the point spread!"

"The Ficus Benjamina keeps asking where you are, and I'm tired of lying."

"Five to ten years of bad accordion music...OMG!"

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

Prison Romance.

Prisoner Crossing

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

"How would you feel about inviting my family for Thanksgiving dinner?"

Yeah, yeah, yeah, framed by the cat - that's what we all say.

'The hard time isn't so bad, but that community service is murder!'

'I'm being released on Blu-ray.'

"It's a sort of Birdman of Alcatraz situation, except that Martin here isn't a bird."

'Equal protection of the law, my foot! -- That was RANK discrimination against bank robbers!'

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

'I'm here for jumping my bond... Bail bond.'

Hey, Pluto, I'm not responsible for what a bunch of astronomers come up with!

"You've got a dinner invitation."

'Well, the joke's on me - it turns out that the King pardoned you twelve years ago!'

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

"I'm sorry, Timothy, but there's no suing over spilt milk, either."

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

'The Not so Great Escape.'

The prison-food was so bad, the inmates decided to smuggle in a cordon bleu chef!

"Sorry I'm late, I had to do jail time."

At least you have security!

Cartoonist draws bomb next to prisoner.