Jailtime Jester Gifts

Unaccustomed as I am to speaking in public...

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

'How about a game of cards?'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

'Pass it to Dewey! He's got himself into some kind of rhythm!!'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

'Wait!... I don't want to take Brady out right now. He's just getting into rhythm.'

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"#notguilty."

Yawning barristers in court

"I say we move on to dessert."

A baby in court

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

Basketball.

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

"I hate open-mike night."

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

'Court is in recess for one hour. Everyone convene on the playground and we will choose sides for dodgeball!'

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

'How am I going to get all this back in the tube?'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'Captain, we're going to have to ask you to stop spiking the ball.'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'He started it!'