Jailtime Jester Pillows

Unaccustomed as I am to speaking in public...

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

'Pass it to Dewey! He's got himself into some kind of rhythm!!'

'How about a game of cards?'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

'Wait!... I don't want to take Brady out right now. He's just getting into rhythm.'

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"#notguilty."

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

Yawning barristers in court

"I say we move on to dessert."

A baby in court

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

'Court is in recess for one hour. Everyone convene on the playground and we will choose sides for dodgeball!'

"I hate open-mike night."

Basketball.

'How am I going to get all this back in the tube?'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'That will be 100 hours of community service in some other community.'

'He started it!'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'