Jail Joker Gifts

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'I said you're next, Hibblemeyer. . . Hibblemeyer!'

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

'Come on inspector, you call this fair?'

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

PARALEGAL, 'Hi -- I'm a paracriminal.'

"Repeat after me..."

"I'm innocent. I've just never been able to pass up a good plea bargain."

"'Disability benefits' they said... Not while there are perfectly good jobs as traffic cones to be had!"

Bill Barr kicks Lady Justice

'I'm in for burglarizing a store, but I got a reduced sentence because I only stole sale items.'

'We find the defendant to be dead meat.'

'That's the last frivolous law suit I want to see any lawyer wearing in this court!'

Judge chasing fly with gavel.

Barrister pointing out dozing judge to the jury

"If the crime rate goes up, we'll know it wasn't you."

'For years I thought it was the 'Supremes Court' and decisions were made by three women singing Motown.'

'Don't worry, you're a politician. You'll have no trouble pleading insanity.'

'I got 10 years and my lawyer got 15!'

'There is something I have been meaning to mention since I was named to the Supreme Court... I've never actually read the Constitution.'

'officially, I'm on leave, but I'm really just ducking the media.'

A confinement of convicts

'Hey, it won't be so bad -- why, I'm doing community service myself right now.'

"C'mon man, you got the wrong species."

Courtroom. Next time I wouldn't say "Convincingly, I hope" when the judge asks how you plead.

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

"How would you feel about inviting my family for Thanksgiving dinner?"

TOO SLOW

Sweet Jailbreak

Basketball Players Working Together

Low Class Action Suit