Jailhouse Joker Gifts

I made my money the old fashioned way... I printed it.

I don

"I froze all your pastry dough."

'They want to spend the weekend at daddy's.'

'This is your last chance, Murdock -- kill this cellmate and you're going to solitary!'

Chickens in prison.

'It's amazing the change in his attitude since he took up knitting.'

And for sport we've goot a spittoon.

Break-ins by the Masochist Society

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

Prison Romance.

Prisoner Crossing

Sweet Jailbreak

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

Actual reader mail. Dear Dr. Sadie, Bless you Doctor. I wrote you back last July and asked you if I could expand my grumpiness beyond getting up in the morning. I took your wonderful advice and now there isn't a neighbor, fellow employee or friend that's not fed up with me. You have given me a new existence and once I get out of this lousy jail I'll let the rest of the world know just how annoying I am. I owe it all to you, Sadie. If you ever need a testimonial, call me. Signed, An ol' stick in

Yeah, yeah, yeah, framed by the cat - that's what we all say.

'The hard time isn't so bad, but that community service is murder!'

'I'm being released on Blu-ray.'

'Sure I do bad things, but I do them in moderation.'

'I can't believe it! -- My own personal computer turned state's evidence!'

'I was on 'AMERICA'S MOST WANTED', captured on 'COPS', tried on 'COURT TV' and sentenced to 10 years of basic cable.'

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

'Equal protection of the law, my foot! -- That was RANK discrimination against bank robbers!'

'I'm here for jumping my bond... Bail bond.'

'Now then, Mr. Grumpypants, if we're to get along we'll have to turn that frown upside down...'

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

'Relax, the game is over.'

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

'The Not so Great Escape.'

'I got six months for arson, and ten years for failing to file an environmental impact statement.'

"Sorry I'm late, I had to do jail time."

At least you have security!

Cartoonist draws bomb next to prisoner.

Man escaping prisoner via feng shui