Jailhouse Jokers Gifts

"The judge offered me a deal. Here for 30 days or a colonoscopy prep."

Werewolf Cellmate

'I said you're next, Hibblemeyer. . . Hibblemeyer!'

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

"I'm innocent. I've just never been able to pass up a good plea bargain."

Prisoner Crossing

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

'I can't believe it! -- My own personal computer turned state's evidence!'

'Sure I do bad things, but I do them in moderation.'

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

'I'm here for jumping my bond... Bail bond.'

'Equal protection of the law, my foot! -- That was RANK discrimination against bank robbers!'

'I was on 'AMERICA'S MOST WANTED', captured on 'COPS', tried on 'COURT TV' and sentenced to 10 years of basic cable.'

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

'I got six months for arson, and ten years for failing to file an environmental impact statement.'

"Sorry I'm late, I had to do jail time."

'The Not so Great Escape.'

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

'Well, I hope you're a people person -- the prisons are very overcrowded.'

'It's for you.'

'True, you've been assigned a nobody lawyer but you're a nobody criminal!'

'My first counterfeit dollar.'

'It was sort of like a penalty for early withdrawal. The bank hadn't opened yet.'

At least you have security!

"Five to ten years of bad accordion music...OMG!"

Cartoonist draws bomb next to prisoner.

'When I said 'I'm breaking out,' I meant that the food here is messing with my acne.'

'I got life plus three hundred years...I won't be eligible for parole for six months...'

'I've been a burglar, a blackmailer, a mugger, and an armed robber, but by gosh I've never been a LAWYER!'

'It's amazing the change in his attitude since he took up knitting.'

I think I'll holiday at home this year!'