Jailhouse Humorist Gifts

Prisoner Crossing

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

'My daughter tells me you're allowed to come home on weekends...is that from college?'

'White collar crime for me . . . what are you in for?'

"I've got him! I've got him!...Now what?"

"Hey, this reminds me of camp when I was a kid! I won't bore you with all the stories! Well, ok. . . there was this one time. . ."

"Just came back to pick up my mail."

"See you later. Do you want the door closed?'

"Hit the escape key."

"How could this happen? I was a meticulous bookkeeper -- with both sets."

'What a doofus! - He started an upside-down pyramid scheme!'

'This one's called '25 to Life'.'

"Apparently it's OK to clone sheep but not hundred-dollar bills"

"First the shirt, then the shovel, now the saw. I think the guards like me"

We have a saying around here. Indict me once, it's my lawyers fault. Indict me twice, it's my fault.

'I let my inner child out to play, and he held up a convenience store.'

'I thought I'd beaten the rap, and then they pulled Murphy's law on me!'

"I'm finding it difficult to keep alive the little embezzler within."

'Never take the stand in your own defense. The judge can reach you with the gavel.'

At least you have security!

'They've bugged our conversation.'

"I found your contact lens."

Cartoonist draws bomb next to prisoner.

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

"They say you're good with forgeries?"

I prefer to think of it as a "staycation."

"No, I've only been in two years - that's how many cell mates I've had."

"They say you're a cybercriminal."

"We get this place renamed the 'men-only prison,' and women will be demanding admission."

"Oh, give me a break. My attorney's book has sold twice that many copies."

Prison Reading Material

When staffing agencies screw up.

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'