Jailhouse Jest Lover Gifts

'Equal protection of the law, my foot! -- That was RANK discrimination against bank robbers!'

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

Prison Romance.

Prisoner Crossing

I was able to get you a 2-book deal.

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

'I can't believe it! -- My own personal computer turned state's evidence!'

"It's a sort of Birdman of Alcatraz situation, except that Martin here isn't a bird."

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

'I was on 'AMERICA'S MOST WANTED', captured on 'COPS', tried on 'COURT TV' and sentenced to 10 years of basic cable.'

"Sorry I'm late, I had to do jail time."

The prison-food was so bad, the inmates decided to smuggle in a cordon bleu chef!

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

'I got six months for arson, and ten years for failing to file an environmental impact statement.'

At least you have security!

Cartoonist draws bomb next to prisoner.

"Five to ten years of bad accordion music...OMG!"

Prison Paintings

'It's for you.'

'My first counterfeit dollar.'

'I got life plus three hundred years...I won't be eligible for parole for six months...'

"I froze all your pastry dough."

I think I'll holiday at home this year!'

"See you later. Do you want the door closed?'

'It's amazing the change in his attitude since he took up knitting.'

"You should never smuggle a phone in without first switching off 'vibrate'."

"Apparently it's OK to clone sheep but not hundred-dollar bills"

'If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times -- Bank robbers don't need business cards!'

"They say you're good with forgeries?"

And for sport we've goot a spittoon.