Jailhouse Jest Lover Pillows

'Equal protection of the law, my foot! -- That was RANK discrimination against bank robbers!'

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

Prison Romance.

Prisoner Crossing

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

I was able to get you a 2-book deal.

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

Yeah, yeah, yeah, framed by the cat - that's what we all say.

'I can't believe it! -- My own personal computer turned state's evidence!'

'I was on 'AMERICA'S MOST WANTED', captured on 'COPS', tried on 'COURT TV' and sentenced to 10 years of basic cable.'

'Now then, Mr. Grumpypants, if we're to get along we'll have to turn that frown upside down...'

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

"It's a sort of Birdman of Alcatraz situation, except that Martin here isn't a bird."

The prison-food was so bad, the inmates decided to smuggle in a cordon bleu chef!

"Sorry I'm late, I had to do jail time."

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

'I got six months for arson, and ten years for failing to file an environmental impact statement.'

"Five to ten years of bad accordion music...OMG!"

At least you have security!

Cartoonist draws bomb next to prisoner.

'It's for you.'

Prison Paintings

'My first counterfeit dollar.'

''Stole a Smart Car. It picked me out of a lineup.'

'I got life plus three hundred years...I won't be eligible for parole for six months...'

"See you later. Do you want the door closed?'

Break-ins by the Masochist Society

I think I'll holiday at home this year!'

"Apparently it's OK to clone sheep but not hundred-dollar bills"

"You should never smuggle a phone in without first switching off 'vibrate'."

And for sport we've goot a spittoon.

"I found your contact lens."

"They say you're good with forgeries?"

I don

"Well, then Henshaw, are you going to talk sense or would you like another night of uniterrupted Hindemith?"