Jailhouse Jesting Pillows

"To be honest, I was little nervous when you insisted on being the one on top."

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

Prisoner Crossing

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

'The hard time isn't so bad, but that community service is murder!'

'I'm being released on Blu-ray.'

Yeah, yeah, yeah, framed by the cat - that's what we all say.

'I can't believe it! -- My own personal computer turned state's evidence!'

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

'I'm here for jumping my bond... Bail bond.'

'Now then, Mr. Grumpypants, if we're to get along we'll have to turn that frown upside down...'

'I was on 'AMERICA'S MOST WANTED', captured on 'COPS', tried on 'COURT TV' and sentenced to 10 years of basic cable.'

'Equal protection of the law, my foot! -- That was RANK discrimination against bank robbers!'

Inmate on cell phone: 'I'd like to request 'Jailhouse Rock'.'

'The Not so Great Escape.'

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

'I got six months for arson, and ten years for failing to file an environmental impact statement.'

"Sorry I'm late, I had to do jail time."

'My first counterfeit dollar.'

"Five to ten years of bad accordion music...OMG!"

At least you have security!

Cartoonist draws bomb next to prisoner.

'True, you've been assigned a nobody lawyer but you're a nobody criminal!'

'It's for you.'

'Well, I hope you're a people person -- the prisons are very overcrowded.'

'When I said 'I'm breaking out,' I meant that the food here is messing with my acne.'

'I got life plus three hundred years...I won't be eligible for parole for six months...'

''Stole a Smart Car. It picked me out of a lineup.'

'I've been a burglar, a blackmailer, a mugger, and an armed robber, but by gosh I've never been a LAWYER!'

'Ms. Daly, have there been any important e-mails or voice-mails during my incarceration?'

"See you later. Do you want the door closed?'

"Just came back to pick up my mail."

'If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times -- Bank robbers don't need business cards!'

"Well, then Henshaw, are you going to talk sense or would you like another night of uniterrupted Hindemith?"