Jailhouse Humorists Pillows

'True, you've been assigned a nobody lawyer but you're a nobody criminal!'

"Great, I pardoned all my friends and now I'm sitting here alone!"

Prisoner Crossing

When staffing agencies screw up.

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

'I mistakenly thought that 'mutual' meant the funds were equally mine to use.'

Yeah, yeah, yeah, framed by the cat - that's what we all say.

'I tried to give a woman the Heimlich maneuver, and it turned out she was doing the Macarena.'

Convict Decor

'I was on 'AMERICA'S MOST WANTED', captured on 'COPS', tried on 'COURT TV' and sentenced to 10 years of basic cable.'

Man in arrow suit - 'I'm in for white collar crime.'

'I'm here for jumping my bond... Bail bond.'

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

'The Not so Great Escape.'

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

Post Office fraud wing in a prison.

"Sorry I'm late, I had to do jail time."

Cartoonist draws bomb next to prisoner.

'She kept asking me to say what was on my mind so I did. She told her analyst and then the FBI.'

'It's for you.'

'They got me for 'hate-texting.''

At least you have security!

Martha bakes with her new friends.

'I suppose you'd like your porridge shaken, not stirred?'

'My first counterfeit dollar.'

"Look on the bright side. You no longer live with your parents."

'I was told to reach for the stars but when I did, I was arrested for stalking.'

'When I said 'I'm breaking out,' I meant that the food here is messing with my acne.'

'I got life plus three hundred years...I won't be eligible for parole for six months...'

''Stole a Smart Car. It picked me out of a lineup.'

"The other gangs can give you protection. We can give you free wi-fi."

"Basically, a letter to the editor got out of hand."

'I've been a burglar, a blackmailer, a mugger, and an armed robber, but by gosh I've never been a LAWYER!'

"Any word on my appeal?"