Jailhouse Humor Pillows

"I was just getting a brick for my loo."

'My first counterfeit dollar.'

'It's for you.'

"He told me it was for a hot tub."

Prisoner Crossing

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

Yeah, yeah, yeah, framed by the cat - that's what we all say.

'I'm here for jumping my bond... Bail bond.'

'I was on 'AMERICA'S MOST WANTED', captured on 'COPS', tried on 'COURT TV' and sentenced to 10 years of basic cable.'

Man in arrow suit - 'I'm in for white collar crime.'

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

"Sorry I'm late, I had to do jail time."

'The Not so Great Escape.'

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

'True, you've been assigned a nobody lawyer but you're a nobody criminal!'

'She kept asking me to say what was on my mind so I did. She told her analyst and then the FBI.'

At least you have security!

Cartoonist draws bomb next to prisoner.

'When I said 'I'm breaking out,' I meant that the food here is messing with my acne.'

''Stole a Smart Car. It picked me out of a lineup.'

'I got life plus three hundred years...I won't be eligible for parole for six months...'

'I've been a burglar, a blackmailer, a mugger, and an armed robber, but by gosh I've never been a LAWYER!'

"Well, then Henshaw, are you going to talk sense or would you like another night of uniterrupted Hindemith?"

"I found your contact lens."

"Just came back to pick up my mail."

"See you later. Do you want the door closed?'

'If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times -- Bank robbers don't need business cards!'

"I've sent last minute treatments to all the major studios."

"Apparently it's OK to clone sheep but not hundred-dollar bills"

'When I get out, I'm going straight!'

"You should never smuggle a phone in without first switching off 'vibrate'."

"They say you're good with forgeries?"

All I'm saying is, the next time you go for a perp walk, I'd like to be included.