Jailhouse Novelist Gifts

I was able to get you a 2-book deal.

Shakespeare in the clink

Prison Romance.

Prisoner Crossing

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

Yeah, yeah, yeah, framed by the cat - that's what we all say.

"It's a sort of Birdman of Alcatraz situation, except that Martin here isn't a bird."

'Equal protection of the law, my foot! -- That was RANK discrimination against bank robbers!'

'I was on 'AMERICA'S MOST WANTED', captured on 'COPS', tried on 'COURT TV' and sentenced to 10 years of basic cable.'

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

"Sorry I'm late, I had to do jail time."

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

Prison Paintings

'True, you've been assigned a nobody lawyer but you're a nobody criminal!'

At least you have security!

Cartoonist draws bomb next to prisoner.

'My first counterfeit dollar.'

'It's for you.'

''Stole a Smart Car. It picked me out of a lineup.'

'I got life plus three hundred years...I won't be eligible for parole for six months...'

"Basically, a letter to the editor got out of hand."

"Apparently it's OK to clone sheep but not hundred-dollar bills"

'When I get out, I'm going straight!'

"I've got him! I've got him!...Now what?"

"Hey, this reminds me of camp when I was a kid! I won't bore you with all the stories! Well, ok. . . there was this one time. . ."

"See you later. Do you want the door closed?'

"Well, then Henshaw, are you going to talk sense or would you like another night of uniterrupted Hindemith?"

I think I'll holiday at home this year!'

'If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times -- Bank robbers don't need business cards!'

"You should never smuggle a phone in without first switching off 'vibrate'."

'For once in my life I told the truth. For this they gave me twenty years.'

"They say you're good with forgeries?"

"He told me it was for a hot tub."

'Never take the stand in your own defense. The judge can reach you with the gavel.'

"I found your contact lens."