Jailbird Lover Gifts

'You've escaped once too often haven't you?'

"White Collar Prison"

Prison Romance.

"Regards from the kids, grandma, mom and pop, uncle Fred , Aunt Theresa and cousins Harvey, Flo and Niki. They all want to know where you hid the loot."

'My biggest mistake was to make a 'death-bed confession'... then I made a full recovery!'

"How would you feel about inviting my family for Thanksgiving dinner?"

'They got me for trespassing, grand theft cookie and trafficking Xboxes across state lines.'

'Smooth move -- Now we're in REAL trouble!'

Actual reader mail. Dear Dr. Sadie, Bless you Doctor. I wrote you back last July and asked you if I could expand my grumpiness beyond getting up in the morning. I took your wonderful advice and now there isn't a neighbor, fellow employee or friend that's not fed up with me. You have given me a new existence and once I get out of this lousy jail I'll let the rest of the world know just how annoying I am. I owe it all to you, Sadie. If you ever need a testimonial, call me. Signed, An ol' stick in

"I'm the first one in my family to do time."

'Sure I do bad things, but I do them in moderation.'

'Equal protection of the law, my foot! -- That was RANK discrimination against bank robbers!'

''Where do you see yourself in five years'? That's a stupid question! You know darn well I'll be finishing 5-years of a 25-year sentence!'

"Miss Robins, get me a ladder and a hacksaw, if you will, please."

Inmate on cell phone: 'I'd like to request 'Jailhouse Rock'.'

'I was on 'AMERICA'S MOST WANTED', captured on 'COPS', tried on 'COURT TV' and sentenced to 10 years of basic cable.'

"The reason I never get any visitors is because all my family and friends are in here!"

'Sweetheart, your calls are slowing my early release.'

'Hey kid, what are you in for?'

"The bad news is Lady Sybil has died in childbirth. On the other hand, Bates is back home and Tom's sticking around to help run the estate."

'It's best if you take it one day at a time.'

Love in prison.

'Look on the bright side -- we could still be in the MARKET.'

'It was sort of like a penalty for early withdrawal. The bank hadn't opened yet.'

'MY doctor says I don't get out enough!'

'Your mother reckons you look like your baby photos now without your dandruff, dear.'

'Ms. Daly, have there been any important e-mails or voice-mails during my incarceration?'

'Forget about it, we all try it when we arrive here, but it's a concrete floor...'

'There. Now you have the job security you've always wanted.'

"I believe thr guv'nor used to own a boarding house in Blackpool."

'So what's your recommendation? I suggest a tunnel.'

Con Artist.

'That day was pretty bad! That day was awful! That day right there wasn't too bad. That day was okay. Oh, yeah, that day...it was horrible!...'

"It's no good you hiding, Whacker. Your release date's today and that's final!"

'Yeah...who knew community service would be this harsh?'