Jailbird Humor Gifts

Prisoner runs out of wall space to count the days.

"They're suppositories. Well what other type of drugs do you expect me to smuggle in."

"White Collar Prison"

Prisoner Crossing

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

'My biggest mistake was to make a 'death-bed confession'... then I made a full recovery!'

"How would you feel about inviting my family for Thanksgiving dinner?"

"I'm the first one in my family to do time."

Actual reader mail. Dear Dr. Sadie, Bless you Doctor. I wrote you back last July and asked you if I could expand my grumpiness beyond getting up in the morning. I took your wonderful advice and now there isn't a neighbor, fellow employee or friend that's not fed up with me. You have given me a new existence and once I get out of this lousy jail I'll let the rest of the world know just how annoying I am. I owe it all to you, Sadie. If you ever need a testimonial, call me. Signed, An ol' stick in

'Smooth move -- Now we're in REAL trouble!'

Yeah, yeah, yeah, framed by the cat - that's what we all say.

'Sure I do bad things, but I do them in moderation.'

Man in arrow suit - 'I'm in for white collar crime.'

"The reason I never get any visitors is because all my family and friends are in here!"

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

''Where do you see yourself in five years'? That's a stupid question! You know darn well I'll be finishing 5-years of a 25-year sentence!'

"Miss Robins, get me a ladder and a hacksaw, if you will, please."

'I made good money - until they added colour to the twenty dollar bills.'

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

'She kept asking me to say what was on my mind so I did. She told her analyst and then the FBI.'

'It's for you.'

'My first counterfeit dollar.'

'Look on the bright side -- we could still be in the MARKET.'

"The bad news is Lady Sybil has died in childbirth. On the other hand, Bates is back home and Tom's sticking around to help run the estate."

Cartoonist draws bomb next to prisoner.

Love in prison.

'It's best if you take it one day at a time.'

'True, you've been assigned a nobody lawyer but you're a nobody criminal!'

'MY doctor says I don't get out enough!'

'It was sort of like a penalty for early withdrawal. The bank hadn't opened yet.'

At least you have security!

'Your mother reckons you look like your baby photos now without your dandruff, dear.'

''Stole a Smart Car. It picked me out of a lineup.'

'I got life plus three hundred years...I won't be eligible for parole for six months...'

'Forget about it, we all try it when we arrive here, but it's a concrete floor...'