Jailbird Jokester Gifts

"You are entitled to one call, one fax, or one E-mail."

'I tried to turn my life around, and apparently I made an illegal U-turn.'

'I'm getting into a rut -- campaign, election, indictment, parole... campaign, election, indictment, parole....'

'It's like home from home really,-rubbish telly,lousy cooking...'

"I believe thr guv'nor used to own a boarding house in Blackpool."

"I made this cake just like you said to: Cake mix, eggs, water, oil, and a ten inch mill file."

Love in prison.

"Usually 20 minutes on the jolly jumper and they're ready to join everyone else again."

"The reason I never get any visitors is because all my family and friends are in here!"

'Would you like to open a joint account?'

'Bullseye! We're in!'

'MY doctor says I don't get out enough!'

'It all started when the newspaper printed my letter....'

"White Collar Prison"

'If you'd used your right to one phone call to call me, instead of 'chat now to sexy babes', I might have been able to do more for you.'

'My biggest mistake was to make a 'death-bed confession'... then I made a full recovery!'

'The last cake you sent tasted like hack-saw blades!'

"It's no good you hiding, Whacker. Your release date's today and that's final!"

'I've got to escape from here - their cooking is just like yours!'

'Yeah...who knew community service would be this harsh?'

'Your mother reckons you look like your baby photos now without your dandruff, dear.'

"I'm the first one in my family to do time."

"Miss Robins, get me a ladder and a hacksaw, if you will, please."

"The bad news is Lady Sybil has died in childbirth. On the other hand, Bates is back home and Tom's sticking around to help run the estate."

'So one day I thought, I'll teach you brats to laugh at me!'

Police Lineup Escape

Prisoner Crossing

"How would you feel about inviting my family for Thanksgiving dinner?"

'Smooth move -- Now we're in REAL trouble!'

Actual reader mail. Dear Dr. Sadie, Bless you Doctor. I wrote you back last July and asked you if I could expand my grumpiness beyond getting up in the morning. I took your wonderful advice and now there isn't a neighbor, fellow employee or friend that's not fed up with me. You have given me a new existence and once I get out of this lousy jail I'll let the rest of the world know just how annoying I am. I owe it all to you, Sadie. If you ever need a testimonial, call me. Signed, An ol' stick in

'I was okay with the library and rec room, but the wall climbing has got me nervous.'

"You're allowed one facebook posting."

'Sure I do bad things, but I do them in moderation.'

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

"The brochure said escape to Tahiti, so here I am."