Joking Jailbird Gifts

What's wrong? You haven't touched your dinner.

"White Collar Prison"

"Regards from the kids, grandma, mom and pop, uncle Fred , Aunt Theresa and cousins Harvey, Flo and Niki. They all want to know where you hid the loot."

Exhibition for Prisoners

"How would you feel about inviting my family for Thanksgiving dinner?"

'My biggest mistake was to make a 'death-bed confession'... then I made a full recovery!'

'They got me for trespassing, grand theft cookie and trafficking Xboxes across state lines.'

"I'm the first one in my family to do time."

'Smooth move -- Now we're in REAL trouble!'

Actual reader mail. Dear Dr. Sadie, Bless you Doctor. I wrote you back last July and asked you if I could expand my grumpiness beyond getting up in the morning. I took your wonderful advice and now there isn't a neighbor, fellow employee or friend that's not fed up with me. You have given me a new existence and once I get out of this lousy jail I'll let the rest of the world know just how annoying I am. I owe it all to you, Sadie. If you ever need a testimonial, call me. Signed, An ol' stick in

'Sure I do bad things, but I do them in moderation.'

''Where do you see yourself in five years'? That's a stupid question! You know darn well I'll be finishing 5-years of a 25-year sentence!'

"Miss Robins, get me a ladder and a hacksaw, if you will, please."

'I'm here for jumping my bond... Bail bond.'

'Sweetheart, your calls are slowing my early release.'

"The reason I never get any visitors is because all my family and friends are in here!"

'Hey kid, what are you in for?'

'I made good money - until they added colour to the twenty dollar bills.'

'The Not so Great Escape.'

'Look on the bright side -- we could still be in the MARKET.'

'It's best if you take it one day at a time.'

"The bad news is Lady Sybil has died in childbirth. On the other hand, Bates is back home and Tom's sticking around to help run the estate."

Love in prison.

'It was sort of like a penalty for early withdrawal. The bank hadn't opened yet.'

'MY doctor says I don't get out enough!'

'Your mother reckons you look like your baby photos now without your dandruff, dear.'

'When I said 'I'm breaking out,' I meant that the food here is messing with my acne.'

'I've been a burglar, a blackmailer, a mugger, and an armed robber, but by gosh I've never been a LAWYER!'

'Forget about it, we all try it when we arrive here, but it's a concrete floor...'

'So what's your recommendation? I suggest a tunnel.'

"I believe thr guv'nor used to own a boarding house in Blackpool."

'That day was pretty bad! That day was awful! That day right there wasn't too bad. That day was okay. Oh, yeah, that day...it was horrible!...'

Con Artist.

'Yeah...who knew community service would be this harsh?'

'There. Now you have the job security you've always wanted.'