Jolly Jailbird Gifts

'You'll 'ave a lovely Christmas in ere, son. Just don't go too near the mistletoe.'

"White Collar Prison"

Exhibition for Prisoners

'My biggest mistake was to make a 'death-bed confession'... then I made a full recovery!'

"I'm the first one in my family to do time."

'Smooth move -- Now we're in REAL trouble!'

'Sure I do bad things, but I do them in moderation.'

''Where do you see yourself in five years'? That's a stupid question! You know darn well I'll be finishing 5-years of a 25-year sentence!'

Joker in jail

"The reason I never get any visitors is because all my family and friends are in here!"

"Miss Robins, get me a ladder and a hacksaw, if you will, please."

'Sweetheart, your calls are slowing my early release.'

'Hey kid, what are you in for?'

'I made good money - until they added colour to the twenty dollar bills.'

Love in prison.

'It's best if you take it one day at a time.'

'MY doctor says I don't get out enough!'

"The bad news is Lady Sybil has died in childbirth. On the other hand, Bates is back home and Tom's sticking around to help run the estate."

'Look on the bright side -- we could still be in the MARKET.'

'Your mother reckons you look like your baby photos now without your dandruff, dear.'

'It was sort of like a penalty for early withdrawal. The bank hadn't opened yet.'

'Forget about it, we all try it when we arrive here, but it's a concrete floor...'

"I believe thr guv'nor used to own a boarding house in Blackpool."

"It's no good you hiding, Whacker. Your release date's today and that's final!"

'So what's your recommendation? I suggest a tunnel.'

Con Artist.

'There. Now you have the job security you've always wanted.'

Dirty Job Christmas

'There's a file in there - 40 GB - it's got all the family snaps on.'

"I took the money and ran, but unfortunately, not fast enough."

"I consider myself fortunate. All the guys I grew up with are either dead or attorneys."