Jolly Jailbird T-Shirts

'They got me for trespassing, grand theft cookie and trafficking Xboxes across state lines.'

'You'll 'ave a lovely Christmas in ere, son. Just don't go too near the mistletoe.'

"White Collar Prison"

Exhibition for Prisoners

'My biggest mistake was to make a 'death-bed confession'... then I made a full recovery!'

"How would you feel about inviting my family for Thanksgiving dinner?"

"I'm the first one in my family to do time."

'Smooth move -- Now we're in REAL trouble!'

Actual reader mail. Dear Dr. Sadie, Bless you Doctor. I wrote you back last July and asked you if I could expand my grumpiness beyond getting up in the morning. I took your wonderful advice and now there isn't a neighbor, fellow employee or friend that's not fed up with me. You have given me a new existence and once I get out of this lousy jail I'll let the rest of the world know just how annoying I am. I owe it all to you, Sadie. If you ever need a testimonial, call me. Signed, An ol' stick in

'Sure I do bad things, but I do them in moderation.'

"Miss Robins, get me a ladder and a hacksaw, if you will, please."

'Sweetheart, your calls are slowing my early release.'

Joker in jail

''Where do you see yourself in five years'? That's a stupid question! You know darn well I'll be finishing 5-years of a 25-year sentence!'

"The reason I never get any visitors is because all my family and friends are in here!"

'Hey kid, what are you in for?'

'I made good money - until they added colour to the twenty dollar bills.'

"The bad news is Lady Sybil has died in childbirth. On the other hand, Bates is back home and Tom's sticking around to help run the estate."

'Look on the bright side -- we could still be in the MARKET.'

'It's best if you take it one day at a time.'

Love in prison.

'It was sort of like a penalty for early withdrawal. The bank hadn't opened yet.'

'MY doctor says I don't get out enough!'

'Your mother reckons you look like your baby photos now without your dandruff, dear.'

'Forget about it, we all try it when we arrive here, but it's a concrete floor...'

'So what's your recommendation? I suggest a tunnel.'

'There. Now you have the job security you've always wanted.'

"I believe thr guv'nor used to own a boarding house in Blackpool."

Con Artist.

'That day was pretty bad! That day was awful! That day right there wasn't too bad. That day was okay. Oh, yeah, that day...it was horrible!...'

"It's no good you hiding, Whacker. Your release date's today and that's final!"

'Yeah...who knew community service would be this harsh?'

'Hey! Knock it off, will ya?'

Dirty Job Christmas

"I took the money and ran, but unfortunately, not fast enough."