Jailbird Jokesters Gifts

"We live in a cell. Why can't we have a cellphone?"

'So one day I thought, I'll teach you brats to laugh at me!'

"White Collar Prison"

Police Lineup Escape

Prisoner Crossing

"How would you feel about inviting my family for Thanksgiving dinner?"

'My biggest mistake was to make a 'death-bed confession'... then I made a full recovery!'

"I'm the first one in my family to do time."

'Smooth move -- Now we're in REAL trouble!'

Actual reader mail. Dear Dr. Sadie, Bless you Doctor. I wrote you back last July and asked you if I could expand my grumpiness beyond getting up in the morning. I took your wonderful advice and now there isn't a neighbor, fellow employee or friend that's not fed up with me. You have given me a new existence and once I get out of this lousy jail I'll let the rest of the world know just how annoying I am. I owe it all to you, Sadie. If you ever need a testimonial, call me. Signed, An ol' stick in

'I was okay with the library and rec room, but the wall climbing has got me nervous.'

"You're allowed one facebook posting."

'Sure I do bad things, but I do them in moderation.'

'I'm here for jumping my bond... Bail bond.'

"The reason I never get any visitors is because all my family and friends are in here!"

"The brochure said escape to Tahiti, so here I am."

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

''Where do you see yourself in five years'? That's a stupid question! You know darn well I'll be finishing 5-years of a 25-year sentence!'

"Miss Robins, get me a ladder and a hacksaw, if you will, please."

"I think I'm just going to sit this recession out."

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

'I made good money - until they added colour to the twenty dollar bills.'

'The Not so Great Escape.'

'Look on the bright side -- we could still be in the MARKET.'

At least you have security!

'It was sort of like a penalty for early withdrawal. The bank hadn't opened yet.'

"There's a rumour going round that one of you is planning an escape."

Love in prison.

'True, you've been assigned a nobody lawyer but you're a nobody criminal!'

'MY doctor says I don't get out enough!'

'It's best if you take it one day at a time.'

Cartoonist draws bomb next to prisoner.

'Your mother reckons you look like your baby photos now without your dandruff, dear.'

'Well, I hope you're a people person -- the prisons are very overcrowded.'

"The bad news is Lady Sybil has died in childbirth. On the other hand, Bates is back home and Tom's sticking around to help run the estate."