Jailbird Jokes Gifts

''Where do you see yourself in five years'? That's a stupid question! You know darn well I'll be finishing 5-years of a 25-year sentence!'

"White Collar Prison"

Prisoner Crossing

"How would you feel about inviting my family for Thanksgiving dinner?"

'My biggest mistake was to make a 'death-bed confession'... then I made a full recovery!'

"I'm the first one in my family to do time."

Actual reader mail. Dear Dr. Sadie, Bless you Doctor. I wrote you back last July and asked you if I could expand my grumpiness beyond getting up in the morning. I took your wonderful advice and now there isn't a neighbor, fellow employee or friend that's not fed up with me. You have given me a new existence and once I get out of this lousy jail I'll let the rest of the world know just how annoying I am. I owe it all to you, Sadie. If you ever need a testimonial, call me. Signed, An ol' stick in

'Smooth move -- Now we're in REAL trouble!'

'Sure I do bad things, but I do them in moderation.'

"Miss Robins, get me a ladder and a hacksaw, if you will, please."

'I'm here for jumping my bond... Bail bond.'

"The reason I never get any visitors is because all my family and friends are in here!"

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

Inmate on cell phone: 'I'd like to request 'Jailhouse Rock'.'

'I made good money - until they added colour to the twenty dollar bills.'

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

'The Not so Great Escape.'

"The bad news is Lady Sybil has died in childbirth. On the other hand, Bates is back home and Tom's sticking around to help run the estate."

'It's best if you take it one day at a time.'

Cartoonist draws bomb next to prisoner.

At least you have security!

'Look on the bright side -- we could still be in the MARKET.'

'It was sort of like a penalty for early withdrawal. The bank hadn't opened yet.'

Love in prison.

'My first counterfeit dollar.'

'MY doctor says I don't get out enough!'

'It's for you.'

'Your mother reckons you look like your baby photos now without your dandruff, dear.'

'When I said 'I'm breaking out,' I meant that the food here is messing with my acne.'

'I've been a burglar, a blackmailer, a mugger, and an armed robber, but by gosh I've never been a LAWYER!'

'Forget about it, we all try it when we arrive here, but it's a concrete floor...'

'Ms. Daly, have there been any important e-mails or voice-mails during my incarceration?'

'That day was pretty bad! That day was awful! That day right there wasn't too bad. That day was okay. Oh, yeah, that day...it was horrible!...'

"See you later. Do you want the door closed?'

'So what's your recommendation? I suggest a tunnel.'