Jailhouse Gourmand Gifts

The prison-food was so bad, the inmates decided to smuggle in a cordon bleu chef!

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

Prison Romance.

Prisoner Crossing

"One night in a moment of rage. . . I removed a 'Do Not Remove Under Penalty of Law' tag from a pillow!"

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

I was able to get you a 2-book deal.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, framed by the cat - that's what we all say.

'I can't believe it! -- My own personal computer turned state's evidence!'

'Now then, Mr. Grumpypants, if we're to get along we'll have to turn that frown upside down...'

'I'm here for jumping my bond... Bail bond.'

'Equal protection of the law, my foot! -- That was RANK discrimination against bank robbers!'

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

'I was on 'AMERICA'S MOST WANTED', captured on 'COPS', tried on 'COURT TV' and sentenced to 10 years of basic cable.'

"It's a sort of Birdman of Alcatraz situation, except that Martin here isn't a bird."

'I got six months for arson, and ten years for failing to file an environmental impact statement.'

'The Not so Great Escape.'

"Sorry I'm late, I had to do jail time."

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

'True, you've been assigned a nobody lawyer but you're a nobody criminal!'

'My first counterfeit dollar.'

Cartoonist draws bomb next to prisoner.

'It's for you.'

At least you have security!

"Five to ten years of bad accordion music...OMG!"

'When I said 'I'm breaking out,' I meant that the food here is messing with my acne.'

''Stole a Smart Car. It picked me out of a lineup.'

'I got life plus three hundred years...I won't be eligible for parole for six months...'

'I've been a burglar, a blackmailer, a mugger, and an armed robber, but by gosh I've never been a LAWYER!'

"I found your contact lens."

"See you later. Do you want the door closed?'

"Just came back to pick up my mail."

"Hey, this reminds me of camp when I was a kid! I won't bore you with all the stories! Well, ok. . . there was this one time. . ."

'If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times -- Bank robbers don't need business cards!'

"Well, then Henshaw, are you going to talk sense or would you like another night of uniterrupted Hindemith?"