Jailhouse Hobbyist Gifts

"It's a sort of Birdman of Alcatraz situation, except that Martin here isn't a bird."

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

Prison Romance.

'Where did I bury the loot? -- I thought you buried the loot!'

Prisoner Crossing

'My lawyer will get us out of here. This is a clear breach of human rights.'

I was able to get you a 2-book deal.

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

"Psst. Pass it on. Tonight's the break!..."

'I can't believe it! -- My own personal computer turned state's evidence!'

'Equal protection of the law, my foot! -- That was RANK discrimination against bank robbers!'

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

'I was on 'AMERICA'S MOST WANTED', captured on 'COPS', tried on 'COURT TV' and sentenced to 10 years of basic cable.'

'I'm here for jumping my bond... Bail bond.'

"Sorry I'm late, I had to do jail time."

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

'The Not so Great Escape.'

'I got six months for arson, and ten years for failing to file an environmental impact statement.'

Prison bus - "Race you for a window seat."

'It's for you.'

"Five to ten years of bad accordion music...OMG!"

"You guys go ahead—I'm an inside cat."

At least you have security!

'True, you've been assigned a nobody lawyer but you're a nobody criminal!'

Cartoonist draws bomb next to prisoner.

'My first counterfeit dollar.'

Prison Paintings

'When I said 'I'm breaking out,' I meant that the food here is messing with my acne.'

'I got life plus three hundred years...I won't be eligible for parole for six months...'

'I've been a burglar, a blackmailer, a mugger, and an armed robber, but by gosh I've never been a LAWYER!'

"See you later. Do you want the door closed?'