Jailhouse Hobbyist Gifts

"It's a sort of Birdman of Alcatraz situation, except that Martin here isn't a bird."

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

I'm worried about Uncle Mort. He's still in jail for refusing to reveal his secret source? Not just that. It's his relationship with Sadie. I feel like … What? She says she wants him back, but I'm not sure. Why would you say something like that? Your sweetie made you a saw with a cake in it. Oooh.

'Where did I bury the loot? -- I thought you buried the loot!'

Prison Romance.

Prisoner Crossing

'My lawyer will get us out of here. This is a clear breach of human rights.'

I was able to get you a 2-book deal.

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

Yeah, yeah, yeah, framed by the cat - that's what we all say.

"Psst. Pass it on. Tonight's the break!..."

'I can't believe it! -- My own personal computer turned state's evidence!'

'Now then, Mr. Grumpypants, if we're to get along we'll have to turn that frown upside down...'

'I'm here for jumping my bond... Bail bond.'

'Well, you're not acting like you have every confidence in me.'

'Equal protection of the law, my foot! -- That was RANK discrimination against bank robbers!'

'I was on 'AMERICA'S MOST WANTED', captured on 'COPS', tried on 'COURT TV' and sentenced to 10 years of basic cable.'

'I got six months for arson, and ten years for failing to file an environmental impact statement.'

'The Not so Great Escape.'

"Sorry I'm late, I had to do jail time."

"They weren't very friendly when they proscuted me for obtaining loans under false names."

'True, you've been assigned a nobody lawyer but you're a nobody criminal!'

At least you have security!

Prison bus - "Race you for a window seat."

'My first counterfeit dollar.'

"You guys go ahead—I'm an inside cat."

Cartoonist draws bomb next to prisoner.

'It's for you.'

"Five to ten years of bad accordion music...OMG!"

Prison Paintings

'When I said 'I'm breaking out,' I meant that the food here is messing with my acne.'

''Stole a Smart Car. It picked me out of a lineup.'

'I got life plus three hundred years...I won't be eligible for parole for six months...'

'I've been a burglar, a blackmailer, a mugger, and an armed robber, but by gosh I've never been a LAWYER!'

"See you later. Do you want the door closed?'