Prison Sommelier Gifts

"Not bad for prison Hooch. It lacks body, but I ain't complaining. The last time someone did, he added one."

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

Mount Olympus Brewery. Those might be dangerous to open. They're Pandora's Bocks.

Just the one...

"I'm getting cinnamon, brandy, nutmeg, a hint of Alsatian."

'Been toying with Bordeaux futures again, have we?'

"You may not know this, but I've become quite the wine expert."

"I'm in the middle of a local wine tasting tour."

"House red, sir?"

'Make it four beers and an '02 Brunello di Montalcino, if you've got it, for you-know-who.'

Wine-tasting Tour.

"I understand he's in aroma therapy.''

"Yeah, I'll say that's a good head, now is there any chance you can put ome beer under it?"

"It's his only trick, but I think you'd agree. . . it's a bloody good one!"

"Do you have a strain that pairs well with Chunky Monkey?"

"Ewww – Cabernet with tuna fish?"

Advanced course at the Wine Appreciation Institute in my house.

The prison-food was so bad, the inmates decided to smuggle in a cordon bleu chef!

'All I can say is, if you like trying new beers and hate having money, this is the one for you.'

'Oops! Almost spilt some in the food.'

"Actually, this tastes exactly like home cooking to me...ma's one of the prison cooks here!"

'What do you mean, the food is terrific?'

Billy strip: wine improves with age.

'What this place needs is some floral-print wallpaper.'

Scrounge

"Are you trying to tell me you don't serve pan seared sea bass?"

All this place needs is splash of paint and some pretty drapes.

'I call it 'Cellblock Shiraz'. Don't be intimidated by the bouquet.'

Waterbucks.

"Oh merlot, you have betrayed me with your false promises to treasure and nourish my heart, when all along you were plotting to sent me to an early grave!"