Prison Beautifier Gifts

'What this place needs is some floral-print wallpaper.'

Doing the borders.

"Cheery little flowers, saying good night, saying good morning!"

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

'It started out as just a little knot on the floor,'

'This was designed for people who have mastered easy chairs and want to attempt something more difficult.'

Prisoner still life painting.

"Hey, take me home with you! Position me at a slight angle next to the elegant glass soap dispenser in the guest bathroom. It'll look great, you'll see!"

"I don't CARE if Tracy Emin's bed sold for £4440,000...I STILL want you to clean your room."

"I'm paid by the hour. Why do you ask?"

Urban spring.

'Honey, I think you overdid the plastic canvas decorations in the bathroom.'

Fancy Wallpaper in a Cell

"If it please Your Honor, may I redo the bench?"

"I thought it would be cheaper to weed wack our shag carpet rather than replace it."

How men shop for towels.

"I just love what you've done with the place!"

"Not bad for prison Hooch. It lacks body, but I ain't complaining. The last time someone did, he added one."

'What am I doing? Well, I'd planned on going to the office and goofing off...then I remembered I'm retired.'

Ames, Honey? The yard really needs you attention. What makes you say that?

How are your mime skills? I want to convince a dog he's surrounded by an invisible fence.

Objets D'Angst

"Firm yet comfortable, with 420 individual spring posture coils to enhance support. Perfect for hiding under."

"Vlad realized, right there and then, that he should have bought the buff-white or even the oatmeal-colored sheets."

Decorating Tips of Small Rooms

Prison Paintings

Gardener laying turf.

Fierce neighbourhood competition

'Maybe we should dilute the cleanser some.'

"I did a little remodeling. It's now a full bathroom."

"I can't believe they don't sell toilets!"

'You're an Archeologist right? So why don't you go and dig in OUR garden for a change!'

Sheriff places his star on top of a Christmas tree.

"This is about all I have in your price range."

Office Christmas decorations