Prison Beautifier Gifts

'What this place needs is some floral-print wallpaper.'

Doing the borders.

"Cheery little flowers, saying good night, saying good morning!"

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

'It started out as just a little knot on the floor,'

'This was designed for people who have mastered easy chairs and want to attempt something more difficult.'

Prisoner still life painting.

"Hey, take me home with you! Position me at a slight angle next to the elegant glass soap dispenser in the guest bathroom. It'll look great, you'll see!"

Urban spring.

"I'm paid by the hour. Why do you ask?"

Fancy Wallpaper in a Cell

"I thought it would be cheaper to weed wack our shag carpet rather than replace it."

"If it please Your Honor, may I redo the bench?"

'Honey, I think you overdid the plastic canvas decorations in the bathroom.'

How men shop for towels.

"I just love what you've done with the place!"

"Not bad for prison Hooch. It lacks body, but I ain't complaining. The last time someone did, he added one."

'What am I doing? Well, I'd planned on going to the office and goofing off...then I remembered I'm retired.'

Objets D'Angst

"Firm yet comfortable, with 420 individual spring posture coils to enhance support. Perfect for hiding under."

Gardener laying turf.

Prison Paintings

Fierce neighbourhood competition

Decorating Tips of Small Rooms

"Vlad realized, right there and then, that he should have bought the buff-white or even the oatmeal-colored sheets."

Sheriff places his star on top of a Christmas tree.

"I did a little remodeling. It's now a full bathroom."

"I can't believe they don't sell toilets!"

'Maybe we should dilute the cleanser some.'

Office Christmas decorations

'You're an Archeologist right? So why don't you go and dig in OUR garden for a change!'

Prisoner counting off the days on his computer.

"This is about all I have in your price range."