Prison Chef Gifts

"Are you trying to tell me you don't serve pan seared sea bass?"

'Let the creepy crawly hunt begin!'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"I don't have my law degree yet but I've got an internship down in cell block 'D'."

Mother to son, regarding stolen cake: 'I don't need to check anything with 'the boys in forensics' I know it was you.'

Prisoner still life painting.

"It's fondue night!"

"Remember, we're not just making money. We're building prisons."

'Dude, you gotta lay off the Mac n' Cheese!'

Human Rights

"My Doordash driver is at the front gate."

Prisoner speech

'He asked me if I wanted to put anything on my burger, so I had a tenner each way.'

'I said there is a F-I-L-E in the C-A-K-E!'

"Not bad for prison Hooch. It lacks body, but I ain't complaining. The last time someone did, he added one."

"The book, How to Serve Man! It's. . . It's a cook book, filled with recipes that use MSG and transfats!"

"So if I replace all the ingredients with sand I should be okay."

The prison-food was so bad, the inmates decided to smuggle in a cordon bleu chef!

Sushi Spinoffs

Michael Cohen Attorney at Law

Martha bakes with her new friends.

"I wouldn't complain about the food too much if I were you. I'm the Birdman of Alcatraz, all I get is millet and if I'm really lucky a few berries!"

Prisoners complaining during an inspection

"What do you mean, 'you don't serve porridge?!"

Well, looks like retirement planning is done."

"Lucky for you we have good health care at this prison."

No, pal, I don't know if the chicken is free-range.

"Hi, scheduling? I've only got 60 seconds, so I'll make this quick..."

"Actually, this tastes exactly like home cooking to me...ma's one of the prison cooks here!"

I don

Prisoner

'Life means Life' inconsistency

'What do you mean, the food is terrific?'

"It's the warden's idea. She thinks it's cute."

"This is the part of the job I hate."