Self-proclaimed Sommelier Gifts

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

"I'm getting cinnamon, brandy, nutmeg, a hint of Alsatian."

'Been toying with Bordeaux futures again, have we?'

"I'm sure you've heard of foodies - he's a drinkie."

'In the interests of full disclosure, federal law now requires me to inform you that I own shares in the winery whose product I am serving this evening.'

Nouveau wine

"You may not know this, but I've become quite the wine expert."

"I'm in the middle of a local wine tasting tour."

"House red, sir?"

"I'm feeling less stressed since I set my biological clock back an hour."

'This Chardonnay is so over-oaked, it comes with a 2-year service contract from Terminix.'

"And this is our 'panic room'. We usually pop in here after watching the nightly news."

'And this is my dad. He's the wine critic for The Herald and he can drink your dads under the table.'

Wine-tasting Tour.

'How many times did you think you could get away with using the term 'bouchon d'expedition' on the first date?'

"I understand he's in aroma therapy.''

'I wonder if we strike wine again!'

"Which one had the health benefits in it?"

"Might I suggest a full-bodied white?"

"Oh no, it's far too tart"

'Sir has made the most discerning choice to wash it down with Drain Glug.'

"While here, you'll have to try our food desert, too!"

"Red with meant, white with fish. . . but it all goes great with chocolate!"

'This wine doesn't need to breathe...it needs CPR!'

"I want a wine that's wise but unassuming, and not ashamed of a screw on cap."

(I'm tasting berries with deep earth overtones and a definite hint of almond) (That would be the Cyanide.)

Advanced course at the Wine Appreciation Institute in my house.

'Your House Wines seem rather pricey - d'you have any Bungalow Wines?'

Grape vines think alike.

"What would the world be like without wine? I can't bear to think of it."

'A regular chip off the old bottle.'

Wine Shotput