Self-study Sommelier Gifts

Advanced course at the Wine Appreciation Institute in my house.

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

Mount Olympus Brewery. Those might be dangerous to open. They're Pandora's Bocks.

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

Keith Floyd.

Just the one...

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

'Been toying with Bordeaux futures again, have we?'

"I'm sure you've heard of foodies - he's a drinkie."

'In the interests of full disclosure, federal law now requires me to inform you that I own shares in the winery whose product I am serving this evening.'

Wino Appreciation Group

Nouveau wine

"I'm in the middle of a local wine tasting tour."

"House red, sir?"

'This Chardonnay is so over-oaked, it comes with a 2-year service contract from Terminix.'

"You may not know this, but I've become quite the wine expert."

"I'm feeling less stressed since I set my biological clock back an hour."

"And this is our 'panic room'. We usually pop in here after watching the nightly news."

'And this is my dad. He's the wine critic for The Herald and he can drink your dads under the table.'

Wine-tasting Tour.

'I wonder if we strike wine again!'

'How many times did you think you could get away with using the term 'bouchon d'expedition' on the first date?'

"Yeah, I'll say that's a good head, now is there any chance you can put ome beer under it?"

"While here, you'll have to try our food desert, too!"

"Ewww – Cabernet with tuna fish?"

"Red with meant, white with fish. . . but it all goes great with chocolate!"

'Sir has made the most discerning choice to wash it down with Drain Glug.'

"Might I suggest a full-bodied white?"

"Examine the bottle? Sniff the cork? At these prices why am I doing all the work?"

"Oh no, it's far too tart"

'This wine doesn't need to breathe...it needs CPR!'

(I'm tasting berries with deep earth overtones and a definite hint of almond) (That would be the Cyanide.)

'Your House Wines seem rather pricey - d'you have any Bungalow Wines?'