Wine Sommelier Gifts

Keith Floyd.

"I'd like a Merlot, nothing pretentious,just something 'avec un petit de je ne sais quoi!'"

'Your House Wines seem rather pricey - d'you have any Bungalow Wines?'

"What would the world be like without wine? I can't bear to think of it."

Nouveau wine

'Look at that. Our table number is the same as the rating on the wine you selected.'

Wine Shotput

"While here, you'll have to try our food desert, too!"

"I'm sure you've heard of foodies - he's a drinkie."

'This Chardonnay is so over-oaked, it comes with a 2-year service contract from Terminix.'

'So, who's up for seeing volume 2 of my cork collection?'

'How many times did you think you could get away with using the term 'bouchon d'expedition' on the first date?'

'This wine doesn't need to breathe...it needs CPR!'

'Splendid choice, sir! Our patrons who don't know the difference between mediocrity and excellence, love it.'

"Might I suggest a full-bodied white?"

'Wine for the table? Red, or...white?'

'My corkscrew is broken.'

'If drinking old wine is like drinking history, I'm afraid I just opened a 6-volume treatise on the Dark Ages.'

'This is tomato ketchup.' - 'Well, you asked for the house red.'

"He says the house red blend is to die for -- maybe we should order something else."

"I'm feeling less stressed since I set my biological clock back an hour."

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

Mount Olympus Brewery. Those might be dangerous to open. They're Pandora's Bocks.

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

Just the one...

1930's Lady.

'It's first flush Darjeeling darling!'

'Been toying with Bordeaux futures again, have we?'

'Okay, kids...time for your bath.'

'In the interests of full disclosure, federal law now requires me to inform you that I own shares in the winery whose product I am serving this evening.'

"You may not know this, but I've become quite the wine expert."

"I'm in the middle of a local wine tasting tour."