Humorist Sommelier Gifts

"Oh no, it's far too tart"

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

Honest Vending

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"What other tricks does he need?"

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

"I'm sure you've heard of foodies - he's a drinkie."

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

Nouveau wine

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

"I'm feeling less stressed since I set my biological clock back an hour."

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'This Chardonnay is so over-oaked, it comes with a 2-year service contract from Terminix.'

'In case of emergency, break glass.'

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

"Much of his cooking suffers from burn-out."

'The two things you cook best are meatloaf and apple pie!... Which one is this?'

'No, I don't have a favorite. Dung is dung.'

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

The mushroom pickers

'Try hitting him harder.' 'Is that all you have to say?' 'Try hitting him harder, PLEASE.'

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

'How many times did you think you could get away with using the term 'bouchon d'expedition' on the first date?'