Humorist Sommelier T-Shirts

"Oh no, it's far too tart"

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Honest Vending

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"What other tricks does he need?"

Keith Floyd.

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'

"I'm sure you've heard of foodies - he's a drinkie."

Supermarket Warehouse. At night, with just security here, the products sing classic karaoke. The orange juice is belting Elvis'"All Shook Up." Peanut butter and jelly performed a duet of "Love Will Keep Us Together." children's breakfast cereal sang "Sugar, Sugar." And sriracha sauce did a rendition of "Great Balls of Fire"! What song will the ground beef choose? Jimmy Buffett's "Cheeseburger in Paradise," of course!

What makes the flies in your soup "artisanal"? I know, right? Personally, I think it's just a lot of hype perpetrated by the flies. Menu.

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

'I don't actually want to learn so much that I become a wine buff - just a wine snob!'

'No, I can't remember the name of the wine, but it did come in a bottle about this tall, if that's any help.'

Nouveau wine

'This Chardonnay is so over-oaked, it comes with a 2-year service contract from Terminix.'

"I'm feeling less stressed since I set my biological clock back an hour."

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'In case of emergency, break glass.'

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

Haute Cuisine Meets Low Couture

'No, I don't have a favorite. Dung is dung.'

'The two things you cook best are meatloaf and apple pie!... Which one is this?'

"Much of his cooking suffers from burn-out."

The mushroom pickers

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

'Try hitting him harder.' 'Is that all you have to say?' 'Try hitting him harder, PLEASE.'

'I'd like a brandy please...'