Spirited Sommelier T-Shirts

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

"I'm getting cinnamon, brandy, nutmeg, a hint of Alsatian."

"I'm sure you've heard of foodies - he's a drinkie."

'Been toying with Bordeaux futures again, have we?'

'In the interests of full disclosure, federal law now requires me to inform you that I own shares in the winery whose product I am serving this evening.'

Nouveau wine

"It says it's the vodka that's distilled twenty-nine times - they just can't seem to get it right."

"You may not know this, but I've become quite the wine expert."

"I'm in the middle of a local wine tasting tour."

"I'm feeling less stressed since I set my biological clock back an hour."

'This Chardonnay is so over-oaked, it comes with a 2-year service contract from Terminix.'

"And this is our 'panic room'. We usually pop in here after watching the nightly news."

'And this is my dad. He's the wine critic for The Herald and he can drink your dads under the table.'

Wine-tasting Tour.

'How many times did you think you could get away with using the term 'bouchon d'expedition' on the first date?'

'I wonder if we strike wine again!'

"Red with meant, white with fish. . . but it all goes great with chocolate!"

'Sir has made the most discerning choice to wash it down with Drain Glug.'

'Whatever happened to swirl, sniff and taste?'

"I want a wine that's wise but unassuming, and not ashamed of a screw on cap."

"Might I suggest a full-bodied white?"

"Oh no, it's far too tart"

"While here, you'll have to try our food desert, too!"

"Which one had the health benefits in it?"

'This wine doesn't need to breathe...it needs CPR!'

(I'm tasting berries with deep earth overtones and a definite hint of almond) (That would be the Cyanide.)

Advanced course at the Wine Appreciation Institute in my house.

"What would the world be like without wine? I can't bear to think of it."

'Your House Wines seem rather pricey - d'you have any Bungalow Wines?'

Grape vines think alike.

Wine Shotput

'A regular chip off the old bottle.'

"I think this one will suit you, 'A dizzy little number, with a hint of musty socks'."

'Close enough, the one on your right is the red. Congratulation! You're our new wine critic.'