Inadvertent Comedian Gifts

"I blacked out for ten minutes this morning - Then I realised I had put my hoodie on backwards."

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."

"Am I sensing fear?"

'We're a non-profit organisation. We didn't plan it that way, but that's how it worked out.'

'...Plus $847.93 for replacing our front door....'

"He can never take anything serious. Everything's a joke."

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

"Ahhh! Ha-ha! Exactly what I said when I was pulled over. Dipstick!"

"Larry does all his own stunts."

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

"The key is to keep the momentum going when you're establishing the base of the snowman..."

"Relax, Marge! I'm sure the folks at 'Ultimate Pirate Adventures'. . ."

A man sits behind a table in a book store with a sign that reads "Take the author to lunch 1 P.M."

"Well they are fake ducks, Honey, but not quite decoyish enough."

Bathing and Showering.

'There's nothing good to eat!'

"Repeat after me... We are vegan... We are vegan..."

"I'm kind of a big deal in antisocial media."

Canoeing Incorrectly

'People say I don't listen to other's opinions. That's not true, is it Binky?'

'Hell's freezing over. The only thing I can figure is McWit Construction actually finished a job on time.'

'You can't come in to play unless you wear cushions on your feet - My Dad's got a headache!'

"Maybe you just can't tell a joke."

Shy Man at Party

'No, dear, it's not necessary to go to the doctor because Mia kissed you.'

'I'd like an older brother, please.'

"Good morning, world!"

"Can you hear me now?"

"Morning! Are the fish biting?"

"It just started as a list of his faults, and just evolved into a horror novel."

Can You Dance?