Unexpected Comedian Gifts

'Cheer up Mom...They say dead is the new 80.'

Can You Dance?

Faster, Georges, faster!

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Optimist

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

'He's normally not affectionate, but he's really taken a liking to you!'

The circus diver.

'For Sale by Neighbor'

'...Plus $847.93 for replacing our front door....'

"One group gets tiny copies of the 'Times,' the other gets tiny copies of the 'Post.'"

Beware of sissified, but tough dog!

"I just remembered where I left my chew toy."

"Be careful, this plate is… never mind."

"Larry does all his own stunts."

Bathing and Showering.

"Aha! - Proof that this is definitely an iron-age site..."

"I blacked out for ten minutes this morning - Then I realised I had put my hoodie on backwards."

Prosthetic snake.

'You said you went to night classes to draw birds, and when I asked whether they had clothes on and you said they didn't - you know I didn't expect this!'

Man on desert island sees tightrope walker on horizon.

'Hell's freezing over. The only thing I can figure is McWit Construction actually finished a job on time.'

'I seem to be very conservative but secretly, I'm a rebel - I don't wear pants.'

Funeral for a Cartoonist

"Two minutes out of the water and he's already evolvier-than-thou."

A bowls player bowling a bomb

The Last of the Passenger Pigeons

A man walks three dogs at gunpoint

"I never realized trying to have a baby would mean replacing the soft music and candlelight with an ovulation strip, a thermometer, and a starter pistol."

Antiques roadshow: 'Yes it's definitely Silver'

"Can you hear me now?"

Uri Geller's cutlery drawer. All of the spoons in the drawer a bent.

Manhole Warning