Accidental Comedian Gifts

'Hello, we've just moved in next door. I suppose this isn't a good time to ask to borrow a cup of sugar?'

It's so nice talking to you while I'm driving, it helps to break up the monotony!

Bathing and Showering.

'Get up from there! Are you trying to get me in trouble?'

"Larry does all his own stunts."

Zebra Crossing

"Dad, I'm proud of who I am. I know my history...I know where I am...and I know where I'm going! I can show the world that I belong with the best of them!"

Upon winning another bowling championship, Dalton throws his ball to the spectators.

'...Plus $847.93 for replacing our front door....'

"Oh, come on. If it had happened to me you'd've laughed too."

"Whoa! Looks like a worker's comp thing, Carl."

"I thought they were supposed to comeback."

Look up from your phone!

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

'We're a non-profit organisation. We didn't plan it that way, but that's how it worked out.'

'It wasn't premeditated.

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

"He can never take anything serious. Everything's a joke."

"The key is to keep the momentum going when you're establishing the base of the snowman..."

"Well they are fake ducks, Honey, but not quite decoyish enough."

'Oy!...Did you spill my pinata!?'

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

"Ahhh! Ha-ha! Exactly what I said when I was pulled over. Dipstick!"

'Mr Bluebeard is our safety officer.'

"Repeat after me... We are vegan... We are vegan..."

"I blacked out for ten minutes this morning - Then I realised I had put my hoodie on backwards."

'You're being unreasonable,Hank. Me dropping your 17-pound bass was an accident.'

A Not So Grand Slam.

Canoeing Incorrectly

'Hell's freezing over. The only thing I can figure is McWit Construction actually finished a job on time.'

A bowls player bowling a bomb

"Maybe you just can't tell a joke."

A man walks three dogs at gunpoint