Accidental Humorist Gifts

Banana Warning

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

'I've been sitting on this mountain for 25 years, and what I've learned is that true happiness can only be found in the soothing relief of a fast-acting hemorrhoid cream!'

'It wasn't premeditated.

'...Plus $847.93 for replacing our front door....'

'Oy!...Did you spill my pinata!?'

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

Echo Mountain...NO Yodeling! - Falling rock zone.

"Larry does all his own stunts."

'Mr Bluebeard is our safety officer.'

'Oops, actually, this is a cockroach I squashed the other day.'

Bathing and Showering.

'There's nothing good to eat!'

"I blacked out for ten minutes this morning - Then I realised I had put my hoodie on backwards."

'I just found out that our credit union is illusory!'

I think the speed grazing record is in the bag!

'Cannibalism has always repulsed me - until i tasted Aunty Judy's knees'

A Not So Grand Slam.

'Hell's freezing over. The only thing I can figure is McWit Construction actually finished a job on time.'

Shy Man at Party

Cotton candy

A bowls player bowling a bomb

A man walks three dogs at gunpoint

Freak Accident Specialist

'Surely you could have missed one episode of Eastenders !!'

A statue of a baseball player swinging a bat stands next to a building with a broken glass window.

"The adventures of Robin Hood are becoming a lot less adventurous."

"I didn't spend seventeen days climbing this bloody mountain, in all weathers, for a lecture on personal hygiene!"

"Can you hear me now?"

'I'm not up here seeking wisdom - this is the only place they'll let me smoke.'

'Number of days since last accident' a man is falling off of ladder while trying to post numbers...

"Well done!"