Accidental Comedian Pillows

'Hello, we've just moved in next door. I suppose this isn't a good time to ask to borrow a cup of sugar?'

It's so nice talking to you while I'm driving, it helps to break up the monotony!

Bathing and Showering.

'Get up from there! Are you trying to get me in trouble?'

"Larry does all his own stunts."

Zebra Crossing

"Dad, I'm proud of who I am. I know my history...I know where I am...and I know where I'm going! I can show the world that I belong with the best of them!"

Upon winning another bowling championship, Dalton throws his ball to the spectators.

'...Plus $847.93 for replacing our front door....'

"Oh, come on. If it had happened to me you'd've laughed too."

"Whoa! Looks like a worker's comp thing, Carl."

"I thought they were supposed to comeback."

Look up from your phone!

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

'We're a non-profit organisation. We didn't plan it that way, but that's how it worked out.'

"He can never take anything serious. Everything's a joke."

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

'It wasn't premeditated.

"Ahhh! Ha-ha! Exactly what I said when I was pulled over. Dipstick!"

"The key is to keep the momentum going when you're establishing the base of the snowman..."

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

"Well they are fake ducks, Honey, but not quite decoyish enough."

'Mr Bluebeard is our safety officer.'

'Oy!...Did you spill my pinata!?'

"Repeat after me... We are vegan... We are vegan..."

Canoeing Incorrectly

'You're being unreasonable,Hank. Me dropping your 17-pound bass was an accident.'

A Not So Grand Slam.

"I blacked out for ten minutes this morning - Then I realised I had put my hoodie on backwards."

'Hell's freezing over. The only thing I can figure is McWit Construction actually finished a job on time.'

"Maybe you just can't tell a joke."

Cotton candy

Shy Man at Party

"I never realized trying to have a baby would mean replacing the soft music and candlelight with an ovulation strip, a thermometer, and a starter pistol."