Inadvertent Comedian Pillows

"I blacked out for ten minutes this morning - Then I realised I had put my hoodie on backwards."

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."

"Am I sensing fear?"

'We're a non-profit organisation. We didn't plan it that way, but that's how it worked out.'

'...Plus $847.93 for replacing our front door....'

"He can never take anything serious. Everything's a joke."

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

A man sits behind a table in a book store with a sign that reads "Take the author to lunch 1 P.M."

"Well they are fake ducks, Honey, but not quite decoyish enough."

"The key is to keep the momentum going when you're establishing the base of the snowman..."

"Larry does all his own stunts."

"Ahhh! Ha-ha! Exactly what I said when I was pulled over. Dipstick!"

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

Bathing and Showering.

"Repeat after me... We are vegan... We are vegan..."

'There's nothing good to eat!'

Canoeing Incorrectly

'People say I don't listen to other's opinions. That's not true, is it Binky?'

"I'm kind of a big deal in antisocial media."

'Hell's freezing over. The only thing I can figure is McWit Construction actually finished a job on time.'

'You can't come in to play unless you wear cushions on your feet - My Dad's got a headache!'

"Maybe you just can't tell a joke."

Shy Man at Party

'No, dear, it's not necessary to go to the doctor because Mia kissed you.'

'I'd like an older brother, please.'

Can You Dance?

"Good morning, world!"

"It just started as a list of his faults, and just evolved into a horror novel."

"Morning! Are the fish biting?"

"Can you hear me now?"

"Underarm! Underarm!"