Awkward Comedians Gifts

Sometimes I like to aim for their dogs, just to watch it get awkward.

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"Think outside the box but never forget who owns the box."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

My brilliant career

Presentation: Thinking each other are idiots.

'Not here - home!'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

The new boss brought a sense of urgency.

'Item 56, we need to schedule a series of meetings to discuss whether we should have meeting to look at whether we're having too many meetings.'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

"We're to stop talking about 'budget cuts'. Apparently it's depressing for staff and clients..."

Man leaving his office with his computer tangled around his leg,

"Sorry, you can't cash in your vacation time. Since you didn't use it, tell it Bon Voyage!"

"When all else fails, blow darts still get their attention."

My client is claiming that you have discriminated against him as a species, that your refusal to let him sniff client's bottoms is against his canine rights and that your policies have acted against him reaching partnership.

"I've called this meeting so I could see all of you squirm."

"Matt, you look like you just saw a ghost who fired you!"

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

"Want to go watch the people who get to leave at a normal hour?"

Hirer to employee handing him lighted hat: 'You'll be starting at the bottom.'

"Ok Watson, what have you dreamed up?"

"If the jumper cables don't work, I'll pour more motor oil on the keys."

'Don't hesitate to critize me, Herb, whenever I think I am wrong.'

'Oh yeah, ths boss is going to love the new hire.'

"Simple tasks were a challenge for Chad. Awww, geez. Another upside down spoon."

'Botox.'

'This associate has a first rate mind...and a third rate suit.'

'I hired a motivational speaker once, but unfortunately all of my employees left to get better jobs.'

"Marlowe filled the crooked gumshoe full of lead. He watched the smoke from his .38 coil in the air as he… mommy’s behind me, isn’t she?"

It turns out people aren't buying our product because it's stupid.

Dead Man Presents Flat Line At Meeting

"Members of the board, my indecision is final."

"Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade."