Awkward Comedy Fans Gifts

"Why are you wearing sunglasses at night?"

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

"That'll be five bucks."

"Cat World Domination Day June 24th"

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

Two fishermen land on stumps. Man says to other, 'Is that enough structure for ya?!'

'We were thinking of naming him after his daddy, but I don't really like the name, Old slap head.'

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

"He says he's sure this isn't Wildwood. Did you put batteries in the GPS?"

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

Standard & Poor

Technique #54 airlines are adopting for handling excessive carry on luggage.

Moses unblocking the toilet.

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

'It's a shame you didn't get to use all those little blue pills before Ted died.'

"Those are the lyrics? How embarrassing—I've been singing it wrong this whole time."

The first case of resume padding.

Frank & Ernest. Signe Painted. Cosmetology Dept. That should be "cosmology"! Why do you always get those two confused? I always think the one about space should have an "et" in it.

"Don't go in there!!"

'It's a nicotine patch...I've been smoking too much.'

Yakety-Yak

Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

"Beer? I see you taught Roscoe to fetch?"

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

An alternative theory as to why dinosaurs are extinct.

'According to this, you ate all the pies.'

'An this good luck charm is to commemorate when our turtle ran away. He's the one who took Jim's pinkie.'

'Let's face it George: we're not spring chickens anymore...'

Quick, follow that star

'More toys! The way you kids spend, you must think bananas grow on trees.'

'I don't care how comfortable you feel with me. This reels weird for a first date.'