Awkward Humor Aficionados Gifts

"You wrote asking for a sex manual?"

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

"It's okay. I love hopping in bags!"

Monster Clown

'It's a shame you didn't get to use all those little blue pills before Ted died.'

"What are you talking about? We don’t even have a toilet seat!"

'Upon further review, the pig did not have control of the ball prior to being eaten...'

'If only you could do this with a cow once in a week, we'd save a lot of money for the food delivery service, Rupert!'

Today I am trying to grow a bit of beard...

SEX EDUCATION, 'It's a crazy idea, but it just might work.'

"Sorry, Jeff. This just isn't working as I'd hoped."

"Whoever said there ain't no such thing as a free lunch obviously has never circled around a highway."

Cow Pat Planning

"There's the evidence of our mouse problem!"

'I hope you'll excuse the pajamas. They save time when people leave.'

A man shoots his head at a basketball hoop.

"They're only dummy home security signs, but I've sharped the edges so they'll cut you like a razor."

"It's not you, Glen—it's your ex-wife. She's behind me, isn't she?"

"I told you not to order the Zamboni."

The crown

'...and before we ask the $100,000 question, we've enclosed Carl in our sealed soundproof booth.'

'It was my late grandmother's. She would've wanted you to have it.'

'This is just a routine check, sir -- are you a turtle?'

The one thing that drives elephants wild is sickeningly sweet elevator music.

"You forget sometimes how much football owes to the dance."

'I'm still pretty unwell, I'm not sure if I'll be in the office tomorrow.'

Hospital Food

'This one here would probably be best for you; It prefers partial shade, needs little water and grows best in esoteric single-panel cartoons.'

Village People Auditions.

'How long shall we wait until we start eating each other?'

"Whoa whoa whoa, I haven't even told you my safe word yet!"

"It's just not the same."

'I'm addicted to being against drugs!'

Develop Your Social Skills: Try asking about something someone just said....

Attack of the Really Lame Stick Figures